The Errors Of A Girl Made Through Cooking!:
Part One: Apron And Choice Of Menu Items Equals Hecticness!
Disclaimer: The Phoenix Wright characters are copyright to Capcom and their female creator. I am copyright myself.
McDonalds is copyrighted to themselves. Xena is
copyrighted to its creator. Mortal Combat DS I believe if it exists, is
copyrighted to its creator. If it doesn't exist, I had fun making it up. Supersize Me is also copyrighted
to its creator. The great David Bowie is copyright himself.
I'm going to give three fun facts now.
Fact A. I am seriously considering a job in a legal firm,
possibly as a court reporter which is one of the ones I'm thinking about
pursuing. Thus the reason for that being the job I have in the fanfic.
Fact B. During the fanfic, the
characters' last names are never referred to when they are speaking. The first
paragraph doesn't count, cause it's just referring to a phone ring.
Fact C. Aside from microwaving, the first thing I ever learned to cook was hamburgers.
They were made from beef, not turkey, so I truly cooked hamburgers as the first
thing my dad taught me to cook, and yes it's true, that's the thing I can cook best.
The ring of a phone with Phoenix Wright type music rang.
"Ah, it must be my alarm, set at noon, as today's my day off. Boy, I think
I'll go back to sleep," I thought yawning mid-way through my thoughts.
Just as I was falling back to sleep I felt someone pounce on me, and wake me
up.
"Eek! What are you doing?
Get off of me!" I exclaimed
looking up at Phoenix's assistant Maya who had me pinned.
"Noon is not an appropriate time to be sleeping, now
freshen up and get ready!" Maya exclaimed getting off of me and allowing
me to do a fifteen minute rush to get ready and dressed. I then approached
Phoenix who was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.
"What did you tell
her?!" I exclaimed angrily.
"Oh, you know, about that time I came over to your
place, and the only thing you could cook well was hamburgers and-" Phoenix
started but I cut him off.
"I told you not
to share that with her! That way I
could avoid her staring at me today, like she always does when I'm doing my job
and I can't talk because I'm not allowed to!" I exclaimed angrily.
"Makes you the easiest one to stare at, cause you can't
complain," said Maya who had overheard and was grinning evilly.
"Sure, sure, why don't you just find some lawyer to
date?"
I asked curiously.
"In case you haven't noticed, I'm going to state the
obvious, A. I'm too close to date her and B. It's utter stupidity to date
someone involved in cases in a major way such as the prosecuting attorney, the
judge, a witness, or even a defense attorney not working the same case as
you----But you however, have slight
involvement in any case, making you the obvious choice," Phoenix replied wittily.
"Umm, actually it was because hamburgers are the things
she cooks best, with steak coming in second," Maya said.
"Did you tell her everything
I can cook?" I asked Phoenix.
"She knows your entire
recipe book thanks to me," Phoenix said.
"What did I ever do
to you?!" I asked.
"Eh, thought I'd help Miles out by getting someone else interested in you," Phoenix
said.
"Thanks man, that really helps me, so that I don't have
to worry about her bothering me in
the lunchroom again," Miles said who had just walked in.
"Enough chitchat! Cook some burgers already!" Maya
exclaimed excitedly.
"Perhaps I ought to burn them, just so I can try and
make a bluff so that she loses interest, she's way too young for me," I
thought to myself.
I quickly made the ground-beef patties, and put a few steaks
and hot-dogs on. The only other people who even showed up were Detective
Gumshoe and Pearl Fey whom he was babysitting I guess? I really didn't know.
"Who wants what? Call your dibs!" I cried out as
the meat started cooking.
"First dibs on the biggest hamburger!" Maya
exclaimed.
"I'll just take one hot-dog," said Pearl.
"Steak please," Phoenix said.
"Me too, there's no way I'm even going to try and compete for burgers," Miles
said.
"Say, what's your apron say?" Pearl asked trying
to get a close look at it.
"It says "Kiss the cook" why?" I asked.
"Oh, cause someone else showed up, and I was trying to
make sure they passed it on to your nice guy over there," Pearl said.
"Uhhh---Huh?" I asked.
Then I saw a most unwelcome guest. Franziska.
She then wrote down what my apron said, to which unfortunately most everyone
was too far away to be able to read, due to the fact that I was cooking with
the lid off of the grill to ventilate it just temporarily for now. She then
held it up for all to see.
"I believe you mean----Him right?" Franziska asked pointing
to Miles.
"If I've said it once, I've said it a million times, I'm not interested in the court reporter Pearl!" Miles exclaimed
angrily.
"I think there's only one person interested in Leah the
court reporter and it's-," Phoenix started, but then something shocking
occurred, three things all at once.
"OBJECTION!" screamed an infuriated Pearl.
"Pearly get a grip, you're going to have to learn about
it someday-," Maya started but then got cut off by the infuriated Pearl.
"You like Phoenix, the great lawyer!" Pearl tried
to insist.
"You want these to burn?! They're done!" I
exclaimed ignoring the enraged moony-thoughted eight year old.
At that point, I had two major disadvantages. One was, the
first item that happened to be done was Maya's hamburger, and she was already
waiting bun ready. The other unfortunate thing was that I stupidly picked the
apron that read "Kiss The Cook" as opposed to "My OTHER Grill Is
A-" and I'm not repeating the rest for fear you'd all laugh at it.
Anyways, something lewd along those lines, but then again, it probably wouldn't
affect Maya since she's a tomboy. From the time it took for me to think and
serve Maya her burger, she quickly dashed and did A. put condiments on the
burger and then B. dashed back to me and went up to me and kissed me full on
the lips. Unfortunately, I have to say, hormones took over so I kissed back
just as hard. At that point when it was done, I quickly red-faced served the
rest of the now finished meat to the now silent party-goers and put it on
plates and then almost made a get
away. I say almost, because there isn't an easy way to get away from someone
physically fitter and stronger than you are, even if you are not the same body
type. I was grabbed by the shirt collar and then I found myself standing by
Maya her with an arm around me.
"I have an announcement to make: This is my new girlfriend, Leah the court reporter, I
will not ever date Phoenix, never not
even if he were the last man on
earth, cause he's like a brother to
me, and that'd be gross, anyways,
I've had enough of this trying to make me out to be someone I'm not
Pearly, so I'm taking my burger, getting Leah one, and Leah and I are going to
get as FAR AWAY FROM HERE AS POSSIBLE until you can learn to
behave!" Maya exclaimed.
So we headed off to a far away park. Would the party
continue? Would it be ruined? How would Pearl cope with finding out her cousin
is dating a girl? Tune in for part
two!